Stjernebolla

En gang nå og da så drar jeg hjem. Jeg gleder meg. Men så til min store overraskelse så er det ikke alltid det store oppturen som jeg forventer at det skal være. I det siste så har det vært vanskelig. Jeg har vanskeligheter med å puste, og dette går ut over alle andre enn meg selv. Jeg er god på det. La det gå over andre. Det er noe jeg må skjerpe meg på. Jeg må skjerpe meg generellt. Jeg sliter hvis jeg ikke gjør det.

I often think..

Well, almost always think that I get the shorter ends of everything.

The one that is always getting soaking wet is me.

The person that is always standing there completely dry is you.

But then once in a while.

Looking back.

I can see that I am a winner.

I like that.

I win, for now.

These days I am happy.  :)

Maybe I am hiding in my own confusion.
Maybe we're just a picture in my head.
Maybe what if it could be the way I wish it really was.
Maybe I don't want to see it the way it really is.

                               - Lisa Loeb -

I am that kind of person that get my hopes up. I know that I shudn't. But I do. I can't help. And it's not often good things happen in my life. So then I get my hopes up twice as normal people do. I hope, dream, hope and dream..  And I feel that I don't have the right to..  But I can't stay this negative. I just crash into a wall if I do. So let me hope. Let me live. And I might fall.

Back in Bergen. Back to real life and real world. Fewer late nights and everyday fun. I had a blast being home. But sooner or later everything has to stop or drop. It's called gravity. I have discovered so much about myself lately. I discovered that I can't move on. It's impossible! What do you do when one realizes that? Do one try to move on like hell. Or do one accept it and try to do something about it? I just want everything to go under the carpet. I don't want to deal with anything. I don't like dealing. how to deal?

I am always there for everybody. But when are they here for me?

I found out that I am never going to be happy here. That's funny. 'Cause it's right here my heart lies.

Når ting skjer. Så får ein jo ein følelse om det som skjer bra eller dårligt. Men tenk hvis noe skjer, å ein har lyst at det ska fortsetta. men så slutte det, å ein innser at det aldri komme te å bli nåke av. Det e ein bitter-søt følelse. Når eg tenke på det så blir eg kvalm. Fordi eg har det så vondt inni meg. Eg e lei meg samtidligt så eg likte det når det va. Men nå e det itje lengre. Ka gjere ein då? Ein prøve å komma seg videre. Finna bedre ting å gjera på. Det e itje så lett. Har prøvt i ett å et halvt år nå.

how come these things still make me feel this way? You walk by and the next thing that happens is that I remember stuff. The past is wierd. It keeps poping up from everywhere. Old memories walk by. It's not pain I'm feeling. It's just enoying, that's all. And when I see how great things turn out for everybody. Well it doesn't make me happy, that much I can say. But when these things happen I wish that I was somebody else. Just wishing.

Do things happen for a reason? Always or just sometimes? Actions reveal our genuine self.

Eg fant ut at denna sidå ska kun dreia seg om ein ting. nemmeligt meg. ingen venner, ingen folk, kun meg å mitt... mohahahahah eg e egoist.. moahmohah...